Hitting Troubled TeensThere are times when a troubled teen becomes frustrating or very difficult to deal with.  While you still love them, you might find it hard to manage your emotions and slip.  If you find yourself in this situation, it is important to control the anger and stress so you do not turn to physical punishment.

Hitting a troubled teen can be dangerous and have adverse consequences – even if at first it seems work.  Despite having the best intentions in mind, hitting your teen may cause them to stray and turn to the activities to heal the pain.  Or worse, they may even strike back in defense.

Consequences of Hitting a Difficult Teen   

Should you happen to hit your teen, you may be faced with consequences that you never considered like the following:

  • They may hit you back.  Even if you think that children should respect parents, think about the conflicting message you are sending.  “I can hit you, but you can’t hit me.”  That’s like yelling at them “don’t yell at me”.
  • They may lose all respect for you – even if you already feel that they don’t have respect for you because of their actions, hitting your teen strongly affirms whatever they may already be thinking or feeling.
  • You are sending the message that violence is the way to release anger and stress.  Don’t be surprised if you get phone call from the school or from the authorities that you child was involved in a violent altercation or crime.  If they see that you example is to release stress through violence, they will resort to that as their release.
  • You lose power.  While you may think that you gain power from hitting, think about what happens when you teen no longer fears the mighty hand.  Since hitting is often the last resort, you no longer have anything in your bag of tricks.  You’ve lost the game.

Rather than hitting, here are a few suggestions to handling tough situations.

Be Clear and Firm

You can still get your message across by simply being firm.  A parent in control conveys much more than one who loses control.  Restrain your overwhelming emotion and channel it into your message.  This is often more powerful because it displays the behavior you are trying to teach.

Set and Stick Boundaries

Troubled teens will always push the boundaries and often cross them completely.  That is to be expected.  The important thing to remember is to repeat your guidelines and more importantly why they are important – for their health, not yours.

Take a Walk

If all else fails and you are unable to restrain yourself, stop the conversation and go for a walk.  At first you will still feel the heat of the moment boiling your blood.  After a few minutes, it will begin to subside.  When this happens you will begin to think more clearly.  Then you can devise a better plan for handling the situation.  This may involve writing letters instead of talking, or maybe even using social media to communicate.  Once you come up with a plan that seems to be the best approach, go a back and execute.    You will find that this works much better than resorting to physical violence.


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Positive Parenting for Troubled Teens

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